Leading like Superman or Spiderman?

I recently re-watched Spiderman 1 with my wife a few days ago, the one with Kristen Dunst and the guy from “Seabiscuit”. It was ok, I can’t seem to remember why it was such a big deal when it came out.

I am not sure if you are familiar with Spiderman, but in a nutshell, it’s a little nerd by the name of Peter Parker who gets bitten by a mutated spider. This encounter altered his DNA and gave him tremendous strength, agility and other attributes that we usually associate to spiders. In order to hide his identity he then takes on the persona of Spiderman, et Voila!!

While watching the movie, it got me thinking about another super hero that our society is much more familiar with, Superman. Superman is an alien (YES just like E.T.), born with superhuman strength, the ability to fly and other powers, he takes on the persona of Clark Kent with “human” characteristics.

Both have superhuman abilities and both have alter-egos. However the similarities go no further. In fact other than both of our super heroes feeling quite comfortable in their masculinity to prance around in a skin tight outfit in public, their way of life couldn’t be more different. Allow me to explore.

Superman was born with powers. He has never known a life outside of the one he currently lives. His powers, from a young age have allowed him to do extraordinary feats. He has known from a toddler that he was special; actually more specifically that he literally could do ANYTHING on his own, simply by relying on his “natural” abilities. He took on the persona of Clark Kent in order to hide Superman.

Peter Parker, by contrast, has lived a hard live. He lost his parents at a young age and had to live with his Aunt and Uncle. Though he lived under a loving roof, his small frame and nerdy look did not make him the most popular guy in school. Rather, he invested his time in study and science, basically the regular life of what we would commonly refer to as a nerd. Until a freak encounter with the spider that would change his life, Peter Parker did not feel special but instead rejected by his peers. Until the encounter, Peter Parker didn’t truly believe he could do ANYTHING by just relying on his own human abilities. When the spider gave him extraordinary powers Peter was given a chance to make a difference with all his powers AND flaws. He took on the persona of Spiderman to hide Peter Parker.

Here is the lesson. If you are in a leadership position and if you are anything like me; too often we have tried to take on the persona of Clark Kent believing we needed to be Superman. Meaning, we wanted to show our human side to our staff, team, and congregation but internally we wanted to be able to do ANYTHING on our own and simply rely on our natural abilities; we needed to be Superman, no flaws, no problems big enough to stop our own ego. We couldn’t be more wrong.

We are in fact just Spider men and women. We were never born with the powers to do everything, our gifts were not multi-faceted. By random encounters or pre-destined encounters we have honed our skills and abilities to become the person we are today. We are in fact, all Peter Parker, given a chance to make a difference with ALL our FLAWS and skills. But though we have amassed all that knowledge and skills we are still first and foremost human.

I believe that by recognizing that important facet of our own humanity, those we serve and lead, will embrace that very nature and find ways to compliment our shortcomings. If we choose to hide and lead like Superman and do things on our own, chances are people won’t think they can help us, because we act like Superman and therefore, probably wouldn’t help us in our time of need.

On the other hand leading as Spiderman is to accept that we were flawed FIRST and acquired the rest because of events surrounding our life rather than just a natural ability. Because we accept that frailty, I believe those who “follow” us, will be much more open to help.

Something else I would like to share. The one-man show leader is no more; the era of team leadership is in its full swing. So if you think you can do it all by yourself, just like Superman, it’s time for you to lay with the dinosaurs and leave the spiders to weave their threads.

Possibility vs. Positivity

I would like to share with you some thoughts I have been mauling over the past few days. The realm of possibility vs. the realm of positivity.

Looking back at my childhood, I discovered that my parents have instilled in us (my brothers and I) a deep sense of possibilities, but not necessarily of positivity.

I think it came from the fact that they left Vietnam to a country they knew very little about, leaving behind family and a life they had built for themselves to an unknown world because they saw the many possibilities that offered North America. It could have also been from the time my dad left a secure job with Sears to go into the restaurant business without any understanding of the business world because he knew that becoming your own boss would open doors to multitudes of opportunities, or when my dad shook my hand and sent me on my way to Calgary to start my own life and wished me "good luck", because he believed it was time for me to discover the world on my own and make my own journey . Or it may have come from even further back, when my grandfather and my grandmother built a successful store and business in Vietnam, because they understood that they were master of their destiny. In all cases, I always had an innate sense that anything was possible. Which is a very good thing when it comes to starting any project.

But I never was quite a positive person. You know the old question "Do you see the glass half full or half empty?" I always thought "just pour some water in it and the glass will be full or empty the glass and it will be completely empty, what is it about this half ass crap".

In the past few years I have met many people that were very positive people. I mean they were POSITIVE, sometimes too positive they became annoying. I don't know if they faked it, but I can assure you that to my eyes, THEY BELIEVED. And I looked at their life and kept saying to myself "these people have a lot of positive thinking, lots of hope", but was it enough to achieve their dream?

So, here is my take on positive thinkers. Positive thinkers have a high chance of becoming depressive..... don't get me wrong, being a positive person is much better than the alternative of being a negative person. But I learned something, our level of stress is DIRECTLY proportional to the gap between our present situation and the positive outcome that we envision. Therefore the shittier your situation is and the bigger your dream is, the HIGHER your stress will be. Furthermore, a positive person is someone who sees his or her situation in an optimistic, and more often than not, surrealistic view point, rather than simply realistic.

You tell yourself "What the heck are you talking about Duy? Every self-help guru out there says that we have to just keep on thinking positively", "Every experts in their field say think positive and the universe will conspire to make it real". I mean look at the amount of books out there, no wonder books like "The Secret" made a killing on the bestsellers list.

But to simply be a positive thinker is a far cry from reaching one's potential. However possibility thinking is slightly AND very different. While both have an innate sense of optimism, positivity looks at what is and spin it into an optimistic view point and the problems lies where the optimistic view point will hide the reality of the situation.

Possibility on the other hand looks at what is and extrapolate optimistic end results, which provides the beginning of a strategy to achieve one's goal.

One is not exclusive of the other one, meaning that it is not a matter of either - or, but rather it is subtle change in our reflection of a situation. Making possibility and not JUST positivity to be the motor running our thinking and strategic decisions.

As you start your projects or any endeavours: ask yourself "Do I see the possibilities rising from my situation?" or "Do I see the positive side my situation is giving me?". One will give you an plan to obtain and reach your goal, the other will make you smile and enjoy your present situation. Which is the one you seek??

Fear

Have you ever been afraid?

Of course I have been anxious, surprised and all sorts of other feelings that we usually associate with fear. But I am not talking about those. I am talking about true fear. A fear so fierce that you wake up in the middle of the night with your heart pounding in your chest trying to gasp for air. I am talking about a fear where you are unable to make any clear thoughts come to mind and make any rational decisions. A fear so strong that it paralyzes you from any thoughts and actions and engulfs you completely with....FEAR.

I have. In the past few weeks things have been extremely crazy for us. So many things happened lately, such as the beginning of construction for our site, the loan that the bank has given us and the loan that we acquired from the Canadian Foundation of Young Entrepreneur. With all that good news, also comes the added pressure to deliver the "vision", with it also comes the responsibility of shouldering this project. So many things are coming at us from so many angles such as re-design, contract negotiation, over-budget, marketing, hiring, operation procedures and more, much more.

I have been afraid for quite sometimes and it has been very hard to share that with anyone. Before I go on I have to say this. I believe that our decision to go into a franchising business is the right thing, for me especially. I also believe in our mission statement and our vision. I believe that through hard work, good strategies and sound judgment we can put all the cards on our side to achieve success in our endeavours. I am also confident in the opportunity that offers OZEN to me and my family and also importantly to our communities.

Now back onto fear, I have been engulfed by fear, not self-doubt, but true fear,the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown. But ONE fear has kept me from sleeping these past few nights and has been bigger and much more prevalent in my life that any other fears that I have faced.

The fear of letting my family down.

What would happened to Melissa? What would happened to Alain? What would happened to my mom and dad? What would happened to my family? What would happened, what would happened....It's killing me. This fear has such a stronghold on me that I don't know what to do sometimes. I am literally paralyzed.

And here is the irony in all of this. This same fear that paralyzes me is also my motivation to persevere and succeed, simply because I have no other options. I work my butt off because there is no other way. I am not sure people realize it, or maybe they do. Maybe it is just me who thinks I should shoulder all of the world's problem? But I feel I must pursue and that my life's work will always be to provide this sense of security to those I love...and sometimes to my detriment.

I am enjoying the journey, as hard as it is to believe by reading this blog, I am learning, I am growing, I am changing, I am living.

But I would not do you a favour or be honest with you if I only wrote about the success or some obscure lessons that I learn through my journey.

It is not until a man sees himself in the mirror as he truly is that he can change and become the man he truly should be.

My fear is a constant motivator in my journey. Maybe one day I'll be able to let it go, until then I hope that you to will discover your fears and face them or release them.